Does everything really happen for a reason? Will it ever all make sense? I wonder…
Autumn is already on its sly way into 2018. Twilight creeps in earlier every day and the leaves are already starting to die on their branches as the trees prepare for rest and renewal. I adore autumn: like a crab receding into its shell, I revel in the cooler weather which encourages clothes that envelop my whole body in cosy comfort. The gloomy skies and warm, muted tones of nature drape the whole country in a special type of magic. But for me, this approaching autumn is more than just my favourite season, it whispers of new hope.
August hasn’t been an easy month. There’s no point going into detail, but to be honest, my problems with my hips have become the least of my worries. Thankfully, the past few days have taken a turn for the better and made me positive enough to feel like writing this post.
Because it’s here, in this slump, that I’ve had the most enlightening realisations. In times of intensity, things become defined by essence. When everything is too much, we have to choose what matters and what doesn’t. What to hold on to and what to let go of.
It’s no secret that I’ve had a many a contemplation on the subject of letting go. But sometimes, and I don’t think I’m alone on this one, I’ll hold onto something that might not serve in the belief that it is the means to a greater end… But what if it’s not? Maybe all things that truly serve us feel good the whole time. Maybe the universe works like a breadcrumb trail – the things that feel right and good will guide us through life, making it and us better in the process. And when things aren’t working, aren’t feeling good – even when they seem to have a greater purpose – maybe they’re just a sign that we’re going in the wrong direction?
At the moment there’s a lot of uncertainty and I need to wait for more information to make any conclusive decisions. But the choice I’m most inclined to make keeps pushing itself to the forefront of my mind. I feel like I need to say goodbye to the things that aren’t working. It’s time to pick my battles and let go of the ones that seem to be lost causes.
Despite my love of darkness, like a month to a flame, I’m attracted to light. Love and the people who I care about – and who care about me – are the port in all storms. The very reason to keep sailing, even. The only thing that truly makes sense. But maybe there’s one person I don’t care about enough: myself. Trees support their own growth before they can really benefit anything else. We’re the same. Maybe putting ourselves first is the best way to help others.
Maybe the best way to do this is to really check in and be honest with ourselves; evaluate what really is and isn’t serving us. Separate what we need from what we can be done without. Count the positives and let the negatives blow away like the falling leaves. Releasing. Renewing.
I want to feel like everything happens and has happened for a reason. That it all somehow all makes sense. But maybe I just need to appreciate that right or wrong, foolish or not, I did what I genuinely felt and thought was best. And that’s the best we can all ever do.
I originally defined Audrey as a platform to share my thoughts and musings, particularly about life, so it seems only fitting that I share my recent reflections. And I guess my latest contemplations have led me to the conclusion that efforts and intentions really don’t amount to the hoped-for results, no matter how hard we try. Maybe in a parallel universe, my efforts paid off, things worked out, and dreams came true. But that universe isn’t this one. And maybe, just maybe, the whole point is finding peace with this.
I hope you enjoy reading my blog, please share your own thoughts in the comments!